Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
