i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I want to be your penis for a week.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came so hard my ears popped.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
