Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
