yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
