Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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