Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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