What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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