And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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