sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Mom said you looked used
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
