he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
