When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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