I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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