ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
