So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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