Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
