he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
