i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
