if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
