just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
