btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
