Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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