Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
