Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
