Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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