Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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