I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
