and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
