i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
