your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
