I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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