the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
