What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
