whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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