batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
