I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
