Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I could fuck to npr.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
