your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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