No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
