My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
