She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm like, not good at living.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
