I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
