I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to calm my uterus...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
