i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
