I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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