Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
