OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize