Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
