so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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