i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
