just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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