i was born a porn star she said
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
