yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
