Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
