Where is the hickey?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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