Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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