No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
