I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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