chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize