I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
