I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
