She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
