If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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