I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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