OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
