The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
