who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
