Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
