he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
