Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
