mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
