Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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