Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
