I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
