Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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