He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
operation have a gay friend backfired
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
