Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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