I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
